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Humility, Pregnancy & Projectile-Vomiting

1 May 2007

Being a self-admitted control freak, this whole process of having my body do whatever the heck it feels like doing without any input from me is a little unnerving. I guess in a way it prepares you for the fact that you are about to bring something in to the world that is a part of you but over which you ultimately have little control once you have given it the basic things it needs to thrive.

Now, apparently Mother Nature, being the thoughtful beotch that she is, has decided to start preparing me for a more immediate lack of control — that is, one’s body doing things over which one has no control, which are subsequently witnessed by as many others as possible.

Note: The remainder of this story is not for the easily grossed out. This means you, Jody.

Today after lunch (Chinese food with Aaron), I was feeling a little queasy. I thought it was just heartburn pressure so I waited for it to pass. Talked to Tim on the phone and joked that I felt like I was going to throw up in my mouth. Tried to do some work. Tim called again to check up on me and about two minutes in to the conversation, I said “Uh oh” and hung up.

Door closed, trashcan close, napkins at the ready, over-salivation beginning… I was prepared to do it and get on with my day. All of the sudden, my entire stomach convulsed and I shot puke over the trashcan at which I was aiming and two feet across the floor. If I wasn’t so repulsed, it would have actually been pretty impressive. Subsequent rounds were less violent and made it in the can.

When it was over, I actually felt a little better… but then I had to face the prospect of cleanup. Somehow tracking down our facilities manager turned in to a full-out manhunt, with everyone calling everyone they could think of and bringing me drinks and fresh trash cans. I retreated to a conference room to work away from the smell. Fifteen minutes later, half the office knew and three, yes THREE, cleaning crew people arrived looking like a HAZMAT cleanup team. To make things even more humbling, I had to go point out where I had thrown up because most of it had now soaked in to the carpet.

So yay. I’m now one step closer to being ready to push out a child (and God knows what else) in front of my husband and at least two semi-strangers. Who needs pride? I’m pregnant.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Sarah permalink
    1 May 2007 20:13

    sure it wasnt aaron? sometimes he has that effect on people…just kidding!

  2. JODY (heh! heh!) permalink
    3 May 2007 19:21

    I’m gonna be sick! Yetch!!!

  3. Marge permalink
    13 May 2007 06:30

    On humility, etc. A great piece of writing: you should really consider doing a series for baby mags or Parent’s Magazine-they run out of the same old material and your writing is really good! And if you read this today, Happy Mother’s Day to you and Blueberry!

  4. 28 December 2008 15:24

    i just stumbled across your blog after googling the phrase “pregnancy and projectile vomiting”. its just what i needed to read! 🙂 i myself, just had a projectile vomiting incident after eating at olive garden. i am 9 weeks along with baby #2 and have never experienced anything like that! (that i can remember) with my first pregnancy i had very little sickness, but this one is a different story. anyways, thanks for the laugh!

    • 15 February 2009 12:05

      Kim, I hope you and your baby are doing well! And, hopefully you’re past the post of projectile vomiting… although (not to alarm you), I think I was about 5 months along when that incident happened. Thanks for stopping by! I’m glad I could make you laugh. 🙂

  5. 23 September 2010 22:02

    Hiya, Similarly to Kim I stumbled across this after googling “projectile vomiting in pregnancy”! I’m nearly 16 weeks, and have had several instances of majorly “impressive” launching-across-the-room vomits!! Funny, I had no morning-sickness or vomiting whatsoever with baby number 1, yet baby number 2 is making me feel rank!! Cheered me up to read your little quips on it though… Luckily I was at home all instances, and on my own, hence destroying only my own bathroom in the process. It happened again this afternoon within seconds of walking in the door after being out shopping all morning. The joys! Thanks 🙂

  6. Tiffany permalink
    20 March 2011 10:59

    I found this after googleing pregnancy and projectile vomiting as well. This is my first pregnancy so I am clueless. The projectile vomiting happened last night and was so freaking weird. I am 4 months pregnant and just thought I conquered morning sickness. It was some scene.Thanks for sharing your story.

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