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My Job

23 September 2008

This morning, while feeding Keyven breakfast, I returned a call from the daycare.  We have been on a waitlist there all summer, in anticipation of my enrollment at PSU.  Since things have changed a bit, I haven’t been pursuing childcare as fervently but I stayed on the waitlist.  It would be useful to have a couple of days to get things done sans the K-meister or without begging for the mercy of my family to help out.  I called her back and said yes to two days a week of daycare even though she said the classroom he’d be in only does one nap a day.  I’m not crazy about that, quite frankly, and I’m not sure how it will work other than wreaking havoc on the great sleep routine we’ve currently got going.  And he would start October 6th, which means I have a week to transition him to this new schedule.

IMG_0616 As soon as I got off of the phone and turned back to Keyven and his breakfast, he smiled at me.  Like, big toothy grin smile.  And did this little inhalation where it sounds like he’s going to suck all the air out of the room.  But really he’s just being silly.  I notice how beautiful his big blue eyes are, especially when they’re laughing.  He stretched his hands out to me and signed, “More?” with his signature little squeak that accompanies all requests these days, “Mmm?” Plus that look of total trust and knowing that “mom will take care of me.”

Ugh. How can I turn this little guy over to people who won’t appreciate his little expressions and notice when he develops his next new habit? They don’t know that he started double-signing, “milk” and “all gone” when he’s done nursing. They don’t know that sometimes he squeals “doggy!” for no apparent reason and that the panting noise he makes used to MEAN “doggy” but now it’s also a general term of excitement. They don’t know that the best way to get through diaper changes right now is asking him what sounds animals make, and then making the sounds for him to mimic.  They don’t know that his version of “yes” is not a simple nod of the fist, but an enthusiastic flailing of both arms at once — not to be confused with dancing, which is one of his favorite things to do.

Another, “Mmm?” brought me back to reality.  Finger to his mouth.  “Drink?” I ask.  Arms flailing yes.

IMG_0555 It would be so nice to get things done while he’s in daycare.  I’m not opposed to the social experience for him, or trying new things, or even having someone watch him.  It’s just the thought of pushing him to do something he’s not ready to do (mostly the napping thing) for the sake of my convenience.  I am reminded by the Tim-daddy voice in my head (hey, when your conversations are few and far between, you’ve got to replay some of them for moral support now and then) that my only job right now is taking care of Keyven.  Everything else — the house, school, moving, Tyson — are things I have chosen to take on in addition.  I don’t HAVE to put him in daycare.  I realize this is a choice some people don’t get to make.  I realize there are many moms who would give the world to be in my position.  And there will be a time, in the not-so-distant future, when these days of baby signs, breakfast and blue eyes are a cherished memory.

So I do what any mom with the luxury to actually make this decision ought to do.  I call the daycare back.  I thank Jenny for calling me and trying to work something out.  But I don’t think we’ll be able to make this work so soon.  We will figure something else out.  I’m sure she thinks I’m being crazy or overprotective.  I’m sure they see those types all the time.  But I’m pretty sure I’m not.  I’m just doing my job.  And for all the frustration, frequent interruption of sleep, total lack of getting to do what I want, and stress from missing Tim and taking on a bunch of extra stuff, it’s the best job in the world.

Photos (Top to Bottom): Not just pretend — he really IS talking to Tim-daddy; Keyven’s favorite drawer in the house.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. Jes permalink
    24 September 2008 10:11

    You’re good Mama, Lori, with or without daycare. You made the right decision, not because daycare is bad, but because you just realized it’s not what you and Kevyen really want right now. I don’t know anything about raising kids from scratch, but I do know that trusting your gut is crucial when it comes to making decisions for the little guys! You are an inspiration to women everywhere for being the single mom and taking on everything else you have going right now.

    We miss you!

    Love and Hugs,
    Jes

  2. Chickpea permalink
    24 September 2008 10:35

    Oh my gosh!! How come you never told me he is standing (and walking?)! And why is there no blog about it?!?!?!

  3. 24 September 2008 11:32

    I’m glad you have that Tim-daddy voice in your head! Everyone needs support and I’m pretty sure you will be glad you made this decision!! Breakfast with blue eyes IS something to be cherished!! Good job mama!!

  4. sarah permalink
    24 September 2008 20:22

    holy cow! your little man is standing and phone talking. treasure that you can spend this time with him.

  5. 25 September 2008 01:26

    No walking yet… he could if he wanted to, but he’s resisting. Which is fine. I think he’s waiting for Tim to get home first.

    Thanks for all the sweet support. 🙂 We had one of those days where I wished for daycare. So it was nice to hear your thoughts. I have missed blogging!

  6. 26 September 2008 16:49

    we all have those days!!! and I’ve missed your blogging too! 😉

  7. 27 September 2008 18:57

    Top pic: “Sell! Sell! Buy low and sell high!”

  8. 27 September 2008 19:07

    @gomichild: LOL… I was trying to think of a clever caption for that pic but my funny button was not functioning that day. I think that sums it up perfectly! My little future stock broker. 🙂

  9. 1 October 2008 16:58

    way to go, mama!!!

    i think it’s awesome that he’s signing so well. i have a friend who recently got certified… i’m trying to do it w/twilli. but it’s hard to see concrete results.

    and i like your animal sounds distraction for diaper time! i’ll have to try that.

  10. 12 October 2008 11:22

    @ renee — we’ve been signing (okay, I’VE been signing) since he was about 5 months old. He figured out “more” around 8 months, I think. Funny thing is now he’s going through a phase where everything is the sign for “yes” and now he says it, too!

    It takes a while and seems like they’re not catching on but it’s SO worth it when they do! Keep it up. :o)

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