The time has come… the Blueberry blog era is ending. I have transferred all of the old posts, pics, and comments over to our new blog site at:
It just seemed like the right thing to do. I needed a fresh start, and I hope this can be the start of more general family & friends blogs, and maybe even some more guest blogging from Tim! Of course, it wouldn’t do to end the blog here without thanking you all for your comments online and offline, your love, and your support.
I will keep the “growing a blueberry” blog up for a while, and eventually have it forward people to the new site automatically. I hope you’ll come along with us for the next chapter. There are links in the right-hand sidebar to set up a new e-mail or feed subscription to the Van Olson blog. See you there!
For those of you wondering or keeping track, we just finished cycle two. By finished, I mean that my period started today, after two days of negative pregnancy tests. I guess all the crappy symptoms were the result of, oh, I don’t know… the three different forms of hormones I’ve been on in the past three weeks.
I know they say “third time’s the charm” and all, but for now there’s not going to be a third time. The next cycle will put me in to being due during the Fall 2010 semester and… we’re just not sure at the moment that we want to push graduation back another semester. Of course, I’m sad and disappointed at the current outcome. But just knowing for sure either way kind of makes things less stressful — at least there’s one thing in my life that is a known factor for the time being.
Sorry this isn’t much of an update or blog, but I just wanted to get it out there. Thanks for thinking of us.
Oh, blog. How I have neglected you. I haven’t even posted stuff about my own kid’s birthday, and it was almost a month ago. Well, at least that just goes to show that when I miss other people’s kid’s birthdays, it’s not because I don’t love ya’ll.
There are so many things to tell, so many stories that I wish I just had a video camera crew with me 24/7 so they could capture all of this kid’s adorable cuteness — and maybe some of his not-so-adorable naughtiness, so I can remember that when I think I want to have five kids.
This video will just have to hold you over for now. I posted it on Facebook a couple of days ago, but I know lots of the blog faithful aren’t on there or maybe didn’t see it. It’s pretty darn cute, if I do say so myself. It’s from last Sunday, and he has been singing it ever since.
In fact, if I may digress for a moment, there’s a really funny story involving this whole singing “happy birthday” thing.
Last Saturday (the 31st), was Nana’s birthday. Since we were with family & friends all day for Neewollah, we ended up at my grandparents’ house in the country for our traditional post-Neewollah food & bonfire. Before we eat, the VanDyne family always gathers in a circle to hold hands and pray (there are so many of us, there’s not usually a table big enough to sit around at once). Keyven loves it. He squints his little eyes shut and then peeks around the room at everyone while someone is praying. This particular night, someone suggested that we should sing “Happy Birthday” to Nana before we prayed. So, we all stood there, holding hands and singing to her.
Later that night, back at home, our very tired boy (who had a minimal nap and lots of over-stimulation) was insisting on having some yogurt, even though it was almost 9:30 p.m. Tim and I were sitting with him at the table, keeping him company while he ate. And jabbered. And ate. And jabbered. Then he stopped, set down his spoon, and looked at me.
“We pray?” he asked.
“Uhhm… okay.” I said, as I took Tim’s and Keyven’s hands. We bowed our heads. I said a quick prayer, and figured he would get back to his eating so we could get him to bed.
“Nooooooo,” Keyven said, “I pray.” He reached out for our hands.
Tim and I smiled at each other and held hands again, looking at Keyven expectantly, before closing our eyes for him to pray.
There was a brief pause. I peeked out at him and he was sitting there, little eyes all scrunched shut.
He started out, “Hap-birth-day. To. Yooooooooooou…”
Tim & I both looked at each other at the same time and almost lost it. It was all we could do to keep quiet and let him finish his “prayer” — complete with “Hap-birth-day. Nan-uhhhhhhhh. Hap-birth. Day. To. Yoooooou!”
Could this kid be any cuter?
Maybe you’ve guessed by now, based on the lack of updates. But, we don’t have anything “positive” (in any sense of the word) to share in the prego department. Sorry it has taken me a while to post the news. I’m doing okay, but just trying to not over-think it.
I figured it wasn’t going to go the way I wanted when I took tests on Tuesday & Wednesday and they were negative. On Thursday, my period started. Not the kind that could be mistaken for spotting or implantation bleeding. Since true false positives are pretty rare, it’s safe to assume that I had what is referred to as a chemical pregnancy. That means we managed to conceive, but it miscarried very early.
It’s kind of a weird term, because it makes it seem like there wasn’t really a pregnancy at all. I guess the reason why they call it “chemical” is because the only way it can be detected is by hCG tests (either blood or urine). If we had done an ultrasound that early, it wouldn’t have even shown up as a gestational sac at that point, because it would still be so small. When it gets far enough along to be visibly confirmed by an ultrasound, it becomes a “clinical pregnancy.”
Not that it makes me feel any better, but this is a pretty common occurrence. Some statistics put the number of conceptions that end in miscarriages as high as 70%. Unless you’re actively trying to conceive and being obsessive about pregnancy tests, you’d really never know you had one that early.
On Monday, I have to call and cancel my new obstetrics appointment with my doctor, and talk to them about whether or not we’ll try another cycle or if we have to wait. I guess on the bright side, the prego symptoms weren’t all in my head.
They say, “No news is good news.” So if it’s partially no news and partially good news, then it must be really good news, right? Unless the good news doesn’t really turn out to be so great, which takes us back to just no news, which by then has gone down a little bit to just so-so news. Wow, now “news” is turning in to one of those words that just looks funny when you read it too much.
Okay, okay, I’ll get to the point already.
As most of you know, today is the big day. Well, was the big day. We were going to wake up together and snuggle and talk about going to take our pregnancy test to find out if we’re having another baby. After fixing me coffee & waffles, Tim was going to stand outside the bathroom, waiting impatiently while I did my “test prep” and then we’d anxiously wait together for the results to come up.
What actually happened: I woke up at 4:30 with an insanely horrible urge to pee. Yes, ever since that last blog, this has still been happening. Some mornings I can ignore it and actually fall back to sleep. This was not one of those mornings. Fifteen minutes later, I poke Tim. “Honey… I really have to pee.”
I went, and did my thing. (TMI ALERT!) I have to pee in a cup when I do this, because I have ruined far too many of those freaking expensive little tests from actually peeing too much on them. Yes, it is possible. Plus, doing it in a cup alleviates that desperate “ohmigod-i-have-to-pee-so-bad-and-I-don’t-even-know-if-I’m-awake-enough-to-do-this-right” feeling. You can be relieved, wake up a little (just a little) and then get down to the business at hand. And, as was the case this morning, if you’re obsessive about your tests, you can take more than one without waiting until you have to pee again.
I used an EPT Certainty test, compliments of Alison — who is now pregnant and decided she didn’t really need two more tests, which were likely to expire before she’d be able to use them again. I appreciate it, because I probably would have just saved them and done something silly like use one when I’m eight months prego just to see what happens. For those who aren’t up on the latest and greatest innovations in POAS (pee on a stick) tests, these are the Cadillac version. I don’t even want to know how much they cost. But once you do your thing, a little digital window displays an hourglass timer until it’s time to read the results. Then it says, “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant.”
At least I assume if one is pregnant, it says, “Pregnant.” But in my case, this morning, it said, “Not Pregnant.” *insert sad face here*
Good thing for me (and you, dear readers) that I’ve been preparing for this very morning. I have not one, but two other types of pregnancy tests. And a cup full of pee. Oh, and a mild obsession with being convinced that I am pregnant this time, or having very realistic psychosomatic symptoms.
So, I “ran” another test. This one using a Dollar Tree home pregnancy test. Yup, ladies, you heard it here (in case you hadn’t heard it already). The dollar store sells prego tests for… get this… a dollar. Granted, you’ll have to provide the timer and it’s clear plastic so you have to look at your pee the whole time, but those are sacrifices I can make to not have to pay drugstore prices. The other great thing is that they have a pretty good reputation for being able to detect pretty low levels of hCG. It actually detects levels sooner than any version of the EPT brand tests. You can visit the Pee on a Stick website to see how tests compare. Dollar Tree (New Choice): 25; EPT Certainty: 50.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with using an EPT test (and I sincerely appreciate the donation), but they’re more appropriate for normal women who have missed a period and think they might be pregnant. Not ovulation-obsessed day counters who are probably testing too early. As of today, I am at 13 DPO (days past ovulation). According to fertilityfriend.com, the average DPO count for an accurate HPT (home pregnancy test) is 13.6.
Okay, back to the second test. The control line came up — that’s the one that appears in the second window that essentially lets you know that you used enough pee to get the chemicals all the way across the stick. It darkens and changes a bit as it sits, but for the most part, once you see that you can be pretty sure of the results. This is another advantage to the non-digital tests in general: you can actually see the lines instead of letting the test “read” the results for you. I know it’s supposed to make it easier, but then you can’t stare 
at the window for minutes wondering if there’s a line there or your eyes are playing tricks on you. Now where’s the fun in that?
At first, I didn’t see anything. But then I noticed a very faint blue line in the first box. I showed it to Tim, but he’s a guy and I don’t expect him to “get” all the subtle nuances of POAS tests. He just looked at me like I was crazy and suggested we go back to bed and try again in a couple of days. I tried to go back to sleep, I really did. But my brain can only take so many “what ifs” before it decides it is just awake for the day. I resorted to my good friend Google to help me find pics of other “faint” pregnancy tests, and the likelihood of it being a true positive is pretty good. I even included a pic so you can see for yourself (or not, depending on how good your lighting & eyesight are).
I’ll be heading to the dollar store today to get a couple more tests. Most people say to wait two more days (and hCG levels double every 2 – 3 days in early pregnancy), but we’ll see if I can make it that long. Fortunately, our schedule this week is loaded, as you can see. Yes, that’s an actual screenshot of the Excel spreadsheet that keeps us somewhat sane. Sooo… maybe there will be another announcement tomorrow, but as you can see, I won’t have time to blog about it! 
Stay tuned for the next installment of Adventures in (Missed) Conception.
Edited (10/18) to Add: After posting this entry, I realized that the test pictured was not a New Choice brand test from the Dollar Store. It is actually a generic CVS-brand HPT. I must have had this left over from buying some during a trip to Virginia. Yes, I did check the expiration date and it was well within the margins. Just wanted to put this out there in case anyone noticed/cared.
